Come on, everybody has them. They’re movies that you know you should have watched years ago, and in many cases you might have them sitting on your very shelf, but for one reason or another you just haven’t gotten around to watching them. You know your peers might frown, find you less of a man or woman if they ever found out your deep, dark, buried secret, because c’mon… what true movie lover hasn’t watched them, right? Well, there’s only so many hours in a day, that’s my main defense to make me feel better about myself, but as I re-watch certain films for the umpteenth, sometimes I think to my self, “Self… maybe you could pop in [random movie I'm ashamed I haven't watched] instead.” I never do, though, and I can’t figure out why.
So, here are mine, excuses attached, in order of most shame to least:
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Ikiru (Kurosawa, 1952)
I’ve had this one sitting in my collection for over a year now, but it just keeps sitting there, collecting dust. Often I think about it and I see it pulsating, sending messages to my subconscious that if only I were to pop it in the DVD player and give it some time, it’d instantly be one of my favorite movies. Instead, I have all of these rented movies or a new movie comes into the theatres and I never get around to it.
City Lights (Chaplin, 1931)
Over the past year, I’ve become a pretty big fan of everything Charlie Chaplin (watching the excellent early-90s biopic with Downey Jr. certainly helped)… so why haven’t I watched the one that many hail his greatest?
8 1/2 (Fellini, 1963)
As a film buff, the name Fellini comes up often. When an argument comes up about the visionary, I always hush, blush, and rush… away… because my knowledge on his films are next to non-existent, and I feel like less of a man admitting it. But admitting it is the first step.
Metropolis (Lang, 1927)
The most influential sci-fi film of all time, right? Shame on me.
Barry Lyndon (Kubrick, 1975)
It’s another one of those movies I have sitting around that I haven’t gotten to. I like Kubrick (who doesn’t?), I like period pieces, so what’s the problem? I think when you have such easy access to a movie, you’re always left thinking, “Oh well… I have it, so I can watch it anytime, I’ll just watch SportsCenter for the third time today instead.” That must be it.
Short Cuts (Altman, 1993)
Besides the fact that it’s Altman and gets comparisons to my much liked Magnolia, the cast is STACKED (which includes my man crush Robert Downey Jr.!). Maybe it’s the run time of 187 minutes that scares me away, I’m not sure, but since I have it sitting here in my room with me too, I could easily split it into two viewings if that was the problem.
Network (Lumet, 1976)
I’ve seen so many references to Network in pop culture, sometimes I forget that I haven’t seen it. This one is an odd pick, because despite the beloved director and a great cast, my desire to see it isn’t really strong. Change my mind, please.
Paths of Glory (Kubrick, 1957)
Another Kubrick I haven’t watched, this is a war flick and I’m a war flick junky. At only 87 minutes long, I could watch it while folding laundry and it’d be over before I finished sorting the socks. I don’t have much of an excuse here.
Intolerable Cruelty (Coen, 2003)
“This movie?” you ask. “Surely, you jest.” But I don’t. I’m ashamed because I consider myself a gigantic fan of Joel and Ethan Coen, over and over again giving praise to every movie they’ve ever made (I even think The Ladykillers is slightly better than people give it credit for), and this is the only film left of theirs that I haven’t seen. I’ve had the opportunity to watch it, but I just haven’t. Since I love all of their other films, should I not give them the benefit of the doubt?
It feels good to get that off my chest. Your turn and don’t forget to feed us your excuses.
I think that just about everyone will be ecstatic to hear that Joel and Ethan Coen are busy writing a script for a violent and realistic western that will take place in the 1870s.
