Directed By: Andy Sidaris
Starring: Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton, John Aprea
Tag line: “Run for cover. This is no ordinary day in the sun…”
Trivia: All principal actresses in this film were former Playboy Playmates
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Savage Beach is an action/adventure about drug smugglers, spies, and stolen shipments of gold. It also has former Playboy Playmates in skimpy outfits firing automatic weapons.
You tell me…which is the stronger draw?
Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton), two drug enforcement agents based in Hawaii, have been chosen by their superior to transport vital medical supplies to a remote island hospital. The mission is a success, but on their return flight, the girls encounter a severe storm, and are forced to make an emergency landing on a seemingly deserted island. What they don’t know is this island is the resting place of a lost shipment of gold, which the Japanese army swiped from the Philippines during World War II. Many parties (including the United States Navy) are interested in recovering this gold, and descend upon the island to join in a frantic search for its whereabouts. Caught in the middle of a dangerous situation, Donna and Taryn do their best to keep out of sight, all the while dodging a Japanese soldier who’s been stranded on the island since the 1940’s, and believes the war is still going on.
Savage Beach is exploitation in its purest form. As the story opens, Donna and Taryn, with the assistance of fellow agents (and fellow babes) Patty (Patty Duffek) and Rocky (Lisa London), are conducting a drug raid on a heavily-guarded warehouse. There’s action aplenty in this opening sequence, which features automatic weapons fire, hand-to-hand combat, and even an exploding van. So what’s the first bit of slow-motion we’re treated to? It’s of a topless Patty jumping into a hot tub with her three cohorts (who are also topless) to celebrate their successful raid. Along with the skin shots, Savage Beach also offers lots of dialogue laced with sexual innuendo. In one hilarious exchange, Donna and her “boss”, the muscular Shane Abilene (Michael J. Shane), are reviewing some new weaponry the agency just sent over. “Are you comfortable with a big gun?” Shane asks Donna, to which she replies, “They have their advantages”. “This baby’s bigger than most any other around”, Shane continues, practically licking his lips as he says it. “I’m not as impressed with size as I am with performance” she shoots back, staring into his eyes. And that’s not even the half of it; the exchange goes on for another couple minutes, and gets steamier with each new syllable. By the time they finally packed the damn gun away, I was ready to light up a cigarette!
So, what’s my final assessment of director Andy Sidaris’ Savage Beach? I’ll sum it up for you in the following two points:
1. Despite being easy on the eyes, Playboy Playmates don’t make the most convincing Drug Enforcement Agents. On top of that, the action scenes are poorly executed, and the whole “stolen gold” sub-plot is so ludicrously complex that it’s impossible to follow.
2. As Donna and Taryn are navigating their small plane through that heavy storm, they pause for a moment (in mid-flight, no less) to peel off their wet T-shirts and towel down.
Now, I ask you, what’s not to love about this film?