I kind of make it a point not to go see anything that looks bad – or at least bad to me. Still, sometimes while sitting at my parents house on Christmas Eve half nude at 6:30 in the morning waiting for Mom’s pancakes I sometimes catch the off-kilter “comedy” playing on Starz channel or something. This year it happened to be The Bounty Hunter. Hey, it gave me something to do while I scratched my balls and tried to figure out what was in the coffin shaped present under my Christmas tree.
The Razzies will be handed out at the Barnsdall Gallery Theatre in Hollywood on Feb. 26, the night before the Oscars.
So while we all wait with baited breath to see if The Social Network will be nominated for best picture at the Oscars tomorrow morning, and with the image of me in my underwear in your head, here are the Golden Rasberrie Award Nominations dishonoring the very worst the film industry had to offer us in 2011 (inlcuding three previous Oscar winners being nominated this year – Cher, Liza Minelli and Barbara Streisand)…
WORST MOVIE
Twilight Saga: Eclipse
The Last Airbender
The Bounty Hunter
Sex & The City 2
Vampires Suck
WORST ACTRESS
Jennifer Aniston: The Bounty Hunter
Miley Cyrus: The Last Song
The Four “Gal Pals”: Sex & The City 2
Megan Fox: Jonah Hex
Kristen Stewart Twilight Saga: Eclipse
WORST ACTOR
Ashton Kutcher: Killers and Valentine’s Day
Gerard Butler: The Bounty Hunter
Jack Black: Gulliver’s Travels
Robert Pattinson: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse and Remember Me
Taylor Lautner: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jessica Alba: The Killer Inside Me, Little Fockers, Machete, and Valentine’s Day
Cher: Burlesque
Liza Minnelli: Sex & The City 2
Nicola Peltz: The Last Airbender
Barbra Streisand: Little Fockers
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
George Lopez: Marmaduke, The Spy Next Door, and Valentine’s Day
Billy Ray Cyrus: The Spy Next Door
Dev Patel: The Last Airbender
Jackson Rathbone: The Last Airbender, and ‘The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Rob Schneider: Grown Ups
WORST DIRECTOR
Sylvester Stallone: The Expendables
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer: Vampires Suck
Michael Patrick King: Sex & The City 2
M. Night Shymalan: The Last Airbender
David Slade: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
WORST SCREEN COUPLE/ENSEMBLE
The Entire Cast of Sex & The City 2
The Entire Cast of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
The Entire Cast of The Last Airbender
Jennifer Aniston & Gerard Butler: The Bounty Hunter
Josh Brolin’s Face & Megan Fox’s Voice: Jonah Hex
WORST EYE-GOUGING USE OF 3D
Cats & Dogs 2: Revenge Of Kitty Galore
Clash of the Titans
The Last Airbender
Nutcracker 3D
Saw 3D
WORST SCREENPLAY
Last Airbender
Little Fockers
Sex & The City 2
Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Vampires Suck
WORST PREQUEL, REMAKE, RIPOFF OR SEQUEL
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Clash of the Titans
The Last Airbender
Sex & The City 2
Vampires Suck!
SOME TOTALS:
Twilight: Eclipse (9 nominations)
The Last Airbender (9 nominations)
Sex and the City: 2 (5 nominations)
Jessica Alba (4 nominations)
I’m totally on board with new 3D category this year. I wish they could all win.
Here are my guesses for who will win these most-coveted awards!
WORST MOVIE: The Last Airbender
WORST ACTRESS: Miley Cyrus
WORST ACTOR: Taylor Lautner
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Nicola Peltz
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Jackson Rathbone
WORST DIRECTOR: M. Night Shymalan
WORST SCREEN COUPLE/ENSEMBLE: The Entire Cast of The Last Airbender
WORST EYE-GOUGING USE OF 3D: The Last Airbender
WORST SCREENPLAY: The Last Airbender
WORST PREQUEL/REMAKE/RIPOFF/SEQUEL: The Last Airbender
Seems like I’m coming on a bit strong with The Last Airbender hate, but that was seriously one shit-storm of a film in every aspect of production. I feel like anything else from the nominations list would at least be bearable.
Alba was good in Machete and better than Hudson in Killer Inside Me, along with Stallone’s nod for Expendables, is the only stuff I’ve seen from this list, in saying that i really liked Machete, though Expendables was ordinary script well directed and The Killer Inside Me, a movie in-love with itself and only watchable for Casey Affleck doing sub-Robert Ford.
hope Sex & The City 2 cleans up, Last Airbender I hear is only offense to cinema/fans/moviegoers, S&TC2 is offense to everybody and everything.
the razzies are almost as lame of a parody of an award show as the Golden Globes are (hiya!). They just got to it first. If only a competent and funny group of people had gotten to these awards first we might see something with some teeth or satirical value rather than a space filling headline.
The only time these awards were interesting at all is when Tom Green showed up for his, and the Razzies (idiots that they are) were so unprepared for the idea of someone actually coming that they did everything they could to try and keep him down while he was there, that he might steal their thunder.