Director: Gary Winick (13 Going on 30, Charlotte’s Web)
Story: Greg DePaul
Screenplay: Greg DePaul, Casey Wilson, June Diane Raphael
Producers: Julie Yorn, Kate Hudson, Alan Riche, Peter Riche
Starring: Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway, Candice Bergen, Kristen Johnston
MPAA Rating: PG
Running time: 90 min.

I can’t help it. Ever since Rachel Getting Married, I just can’t seem to get enough of Anne Hathaway. Even knowing this movie would be as tripe as it gets, I could not keep myself from the theater. Hathaway to me right now is like crack; I know it isn’t good for me, but I imbibe anyway. I re-watched The Devil Wears Prada and investigated some of her other, earlier stuff; including Havoc and Becoming Jane. None of it particularly engrossing or intelligent. Still, I watch.

In Bride Wars, two women have been dreaming about their wedding day since they were children. Finally the day comes. Both women are proposed to within the same week and they plan their weddings at an extremely exclusive venue just a week apart. Due to a clerical error, the two weddings end up being scheduled on the same day and the two best friends almost instantly become mortal enemies as they vie for control over friends and… actually, now that I think about it, that’s it. They each want to the other to be a bride’s maid at their wedding, but not enough to be willing to switch dates or venues. So they fight about it. This premise just got dumber as I write. Anyway, shenanigans ensue and the ending can be seen before the movie even starts.

I almost feel like instead of writing a review, I should just list a bunch of excuses as to why I didn’t loathe the movie and why I even went in the first place (see paragraph one). And actually, that is where is I see this review going already, so it shall continue.

After three months of watching only fairly dramatic, heavy, “for your consideration” type of films, I really needed something light and fluffy to just take my mind away from the cold, depressingly harsh, real world for a little while. I knew that Bride Wars would fit the bill perfectly. If going into a film your expectations are lower than zero and you know exactly what you’re in for with this lowest common denominator type of stuff, then you really can’t complain about it when leaving the theater. So I won’t. If you’ve seen the trailer, there really isn’t anything I can write that you don’t already know. It’s exactly what it looks like: garbage.

However, one man’s garbage is another man’s treasure - or at least another man’s shiny, dime-store trinket. So is the case with Bride Wars. While most of the movie I spent just staring at the screen blankly and thinking about how the next 60 minutes of my life is more predictable than a driving a round-a-bout, I did get some enjoyment from the effort of the two leads and there was a chuckle or two to be had from many of the supporting cast members.

While the little tussles and situational “comedy” that ensues between the two leads are not particularly funny, not very exciting and pretty much all in the trailer, it’s the occasional outbursts and musings from the side characters (most notably Kristen Johnson (”Third Rock from the Sun” fame) and June Diane Raphael) that got a few laughs. Not surprisingly I can’t remember a single one of them, but I assure you, at the time of the screening there was some audible happiness in the theater. Some of it coming from me.

While admittedly Hathaway is one of my current crushes, she still seems to make an effort in everything she’s in; and while Bride Wars certainly won’t gain any award consideration, you can tell that Hathaway was really having some fun and at the very least isn’t sleep walking through this role. It’s a charismatic performance from which some enjoyment can be taken. Hudson on the other hand…

Seriously, has Kate Hudson been in ANY good movies other than Almost Famous? What happened to Goldie Hawn Jr.? Not only is Almost Famous an incredibly quality film, but Ms. Hudson is really quite good in it. I could’ve sworn that nine years ago we were looking at a future Oscar winning star. Well, she’s definitely in the star category, but the mention of an Oscar in the same sentence as her name is almost laughable if it weren’t so sad. I’ve accidentally (or been dragged to) a number of Hudson’s recent films and I can say without hesitation that they are all crap. Bride Wars might actually be a highlight for her career in the past 9 years. That’s doleful.

Sorry for turning this review into a rant/lament. There just isn’t anything about Bride Wars that you probably don’t already know from the trailer. Am I sorry I saw it? Not really. Am I happy I saw it? Not really. I’m happy that my curiosity is quelled and that my Hathaway fix was remedied. Otherwise this is a blank slate of a film that would leave most of the readers at RowThree in a catatonic state. Par for the course I guess when it comes to January film releases.