Every four years when America goes to the polls to select their new commander in chief, very often you’ll hear a voter say something to the effect of, “I don’t like either candidate. I’m just voting for the lesser of two evils.” Well, why vote for “the lesser of two evils?” Why not vote for the guy or gal you think is best for the job? There is a spot (in most states) on your ballot to write-in anyone you see fit to lead the country. I know that some people don’t take their civic privilege/responsibility very seriously and write in names like “Mickey Mouse” or “Howard the Duck” and then laugh about it on the way home.

Now myself, I consider voting to be one of the most important things I can participate in as a responsible citizen of a free nation. Think about what is at stake: your children’s future, the environment, the financial institution and foreign policy! So while Richard Pryor will ask you to vote for “none of the above,” I plead with all voters to get to the polls and consider writing in a candidate who will rock the White House. Possibilities:

Aaron Eckhart:
While maybe not the most experienced of the candidates, Eckhart did gain some political exposure and handled himself quite nicely over the summer. Assuming we don’t have a crazed man with green hair and a vigilante dressed as a bat destroying the city, Eckhart is certainly a man who knows how to get what he wants and get things done effectively. Even when he’s wrong, he’s right; because he knows how to “argue correctly.” And should some sort of cataclysmic natural disaster strike, Eckhart won’t even think twice about heading to the center of the Earth in a specially made ship to bring the planet back in to balance. Yes my friends, Aaron Eckhart is a president you can trust.
Campaign slogan: “Michael Jordan plays ball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk.”

Cate Blanchett:
While there are many candidates worthy of being the first American President without a Y chromosome, Cate Blanchett is high on the list of contenders. A woman with strong words equaled only by her convictions, Ms. Blanchett is one tough cookie that will not be bullied or bribed. In fact, some in the media have already labeled her as “Blanchett the Hatchet” for her unparalleled strength that frightens many men, least of all terrorist like Osama Bin Laden. Having been a lawyer, a teacher, a single mother, the queen of an empire, a journalist and a soldier, no one can say she is out of touch and there are few, if any, more qualified presidential candidates of this caliber.
Campaign slogan: “I have a hurricane in me that will strip you bare when you dare to try me!”

Sylvester Stallone:
He never loses. Ever. Simply seeing ‘The Italian Stallion’ walk to the podium is a menacing sight. Enemies of the U.S. beware. I can’t think of a more qualified president when it comes to fighting terrorism. If the army and marines seem stretched too thin, Stallone can personally win any battle single handedly if provoked into doing so. The weak link of course would be his economic record. As of yet, analysts have been unable to produce any sort personal tax info whatsoever. All of it is marked as classified by the military. Well, that’s why presidents have economic advisors.
Campaign slogan? “Yo! I’m coming for YOU.”

Robert Downey Jr:
Most closely resembling a career politician, Robert Downey Jr. is fast talking, quick witted and looks good doing it. Yes he’s had some personal troubles in the past, but these things (that shall go unmentioned) only serve to make him stronger. As a child he invented the dice and later he saw heavy duty combat in South East Asia and with the experience of running a multi-billion dollar corporation and literally returning from the dead in the past, Downey has seen the future and the past and has learned much from both. He knows what it will take to get this country back on track. Certainly having the rights to a high-tech, robot weaponry system that can be fitted to almost any soldier in the armed forces is a huge plus. Not to mention it will be fun to refer to him as RDJ for decades to come.
Campaign Slogan: “Peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy.”

Morgan Freeman:
One of the many candidates who has actually been president before, Freeman is a man of truth, honesty and integrity. Not to mention a cool headed calmness even in the midst of the most dire of global emergencies (asteroid collision, viral epidemic, etc). Most importantly for Freeman, he can sway the public to his every whim just by the soothing tone of his voice. Even little kids won’t have their night ruined when the President is addressing the nation on every single channel. Did I mention he consulted with God personally in researching one of his roles?
Campaign Slogan: “Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”

Patrick Stewart:
Captain of a Federation Starship and leader of the mutants, there is no question Stewart has what it takes to lead us all. His ingenuity and quick thinking wits, even under the most intense pressure, has saved countless numbers of lives time and time again. While he’s never had any political experience, it’s obvious that Stewart is a quick learner and someone the world would be proud of to lead the most powerful nation on earth. Campaign slogan: “Make it so!”

Harrison Ford:
Let’s face it. If there’s one man who can literally do anything asked of him, despite the odds (just don’t tell him what they are), it is Harrison Ford. Where to begin? A crack pilot, a loving father, a cop, an archeologist, a corporate exec., a man who has struggled with and defeated a dehabilitating brain injury, a CIA specialist, a submarine commander, and probably the most infamous of all movie presidents. A vote for Harrison Ford is a vote for the people; a vote for the voice of reason and a vote for courage.
Campaign slogan: “Atrocity and terror are not weapons; and to those that use them, it’s your turn to be afraid.”

Michael Bay:
Well, he probably won’t get the job done correctly (or done at all), but it’s gonna look damn cool while it’s happening.
Campaign Slogan: “Hi, I’m Michael Bay and I demand things to be AWESOME.”

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Bruce Campbell:
Is there really any question as to why this is a good man for the job? He looks good, he smells good and he acts good. He’s only got good in his heart and lives to save the world… over and over again. Sure it can be a bit messy and a tad unorthodox, but “The Chin” as his friends lovingly refer to him, gets the job done time and time again. Aliens, demons, ghosts and mummies; you name it, Campbell can defeat it. There’s no reason to think he can’t tackle social security and health care with the same amount of charisma and mojo. A man for the people is Bruce Campbell.
Campaign Slogan: “You ain’t in charge of but two things: Jack and Shit. And Jack just left town.”

William Shatner:
Many don’t like the thought of putting a former lawyer in the most powerful seat in the world, but Shatner is a different breed than most. He’s an artist; an entertainer. A no bullshit kind of guy with strong convictions and a savvy way of using his talents in the political arena. And hey, aside from Stallone, there isn’t another candidate that would even consider taking on Shatner in hand to hand combat. Before becoming a lawyer, Shatner was a cop so he knows the streets and the people that live on them. He’s seen the world from afar and understands that when the enemy enters the neutral zone, it is already too late. “Stop them before they get there” is Shatner’s motto. With the most logical and smartest “man” known to walk the earth as his running mate, you’d be hard pressed to find a better political ticket come election day.
Campaign Slogan: “The needs of the one, outweigh the needs of the many.”

Denzel Washington:
As an historic presidential campaign comes to a close, millions world wide praise and respect the day that a black man is finally a contender for President of the United States. That dream can still come true with a vote for Denzel. He’s so damn cool that you don’t even have to use his last name. A father of four and an unprecedented charitable giver, Denzel is the poster child for integrity and strength. He’s been an on and off again police officer and combat marine. After suffering devastating injuries, Denzel fought back to become a private investigator and later working with internal affairs before finally becoming an undercover cop to remove the drug element from our streets (though there is some controversy surrounding his stint in L.A.). The women swoon and the men are jealous. Knowing first hand what it’s like to fight against racial oppression, Denzel is the one man who is undoubtedly the coolest and toughest customer ever to run for president in the write-in slot.
Campaign Slogan: “King Kong ain’t got shit, on ME!”

Sigourney Weaver:
Many in this country are excited by the fact that a woman is finally on the presidential ballot. Some, however, are not as excited about the name of that woman. So offering up an alternative comes Sigourney Weaver. She hasn’t had alot of experience in political matters, but she has had a stint in the White House as a strong first lady and has conquered death on more than one occasion. Some may find her a bit off-putting since she’s merely a clone of her former self and has been known to associate with some rather disillusioned characters (most notably deranged scientists who claim to be able to capture spirits). She’s also rather thick-skinned and isn’t akin to taking orders having been a prison warden and a military leader. And taking a year off to live with a bunch of gorillas, while a noble endeavor, definitely rubs a few people the wrong way. Still, she’s been an executive at a major corporation in a time when women weren’t always welcome in such a role. Hard nosed and steadfast, Sigourney Weaver can get this country moving again – though it’s not exactly clear which direction that is.
Campaign Slogan: “My mommy always said there were no monsters. No real ones… but there are.”

Christopher Walken:
Everyone constantly goes on and on about McCain’s war service and being a P.O.W. Now that is fine service and the definition of heroic, but Walken did the same thing, but he did it twice. The first time he was forced to play Russian Roulette; and the second time he did it with a gold watch shoved up his ass for two years… and it wasn’t even his watch. Let me repeat that. He held a metal watch up his ass for two years for someone else’s kid! And if that isn’t reason enough to elect the guy, then check out his tap-dancing skills. This man has talent. Also, as the easiest man in the world to impersonate, SNL should have no trouble bringing back their ratings to early 1980′s level.
Campaign slogan: “I haven’t killed anybody since 1984.”

So there you have it. Just a few excellent, more than qualified personages who could potentially work wonders in the White House and bring this country and it’s place in the world back to where it once was. If you have any further suggestions, we’d love to hear them.