John’s Row Three Guide to Summer Movies - May

I give to you the first of four posts that make up my Guide to Summer Movies. I will also be adding a conclusion post which covers my overall feelings about how the summer seems to be lining up plus I’ll post a table of contents page. The rest of the pages will be available by the end of next week.

The ratings are a score from 0-7. 0 means that I wish the movie had not even been made and 7 means that I’ll be buying my ticket beforehand just to make sure I get to see it on opening night.

May 1st

Iron Man

Synopsis: From Marvel Studios and Paramount Pictures comes Iron Man, an action-packed take on the tale of wealthy philanthropist Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), who develops an invulnerable robotic suit to fight the throes of evil. In addition to being filthy rich, billionaire industrialist Tony Stark is also a genius inventor. When Stark is kidnapped and forced to build a diabolical weapon, he instead uses his intelligence and ingenuity to construct an indestructible suit of armor and escape his captors. Once free, Stark discovers a deadly conspiracy that could destabilize the entire globe, and dons his powerful new suit on a mission to stop the villains and save the world. Gwyneth Paltrow co-stars as his secretary, Virginia “Pepper” Potts, while Terrence Howard fills the role of Jim “Rhodey” Rhodes, one of Stark’s colleagues, whose military background leads him to help in the formation of the suit. Jon Favreau directs, with Marvel movie veterans Avi Arad and Kevin Feige producing. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, All Movie Guide

Opinion: With all the good buzz Iron Man is getting I have become pretty interested to see how it turns out. The fact that RDJ is playing Tony Stark really increased my curiosity. I will admit that my expecation is to have a good time and just run with what the movie provides. Like most blockbusters though, I have a feeling that it will be fun but I’ll probably never watch it again afterwards. Actually, I’ll change that statement I will watch it again, even if it is not good once my son is a bit older since I’m sure he will want to see it.

Rating: (6) - I am actually looking forward to this and its on my list to see for sure.

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0371746/
Official Site: http://ironmanmovie.marvel.com/

May 2nd

Made of Honor

Synopsis: For Tom (Patrick Dempsey), life is good: he’s sexy, successful, has great luck with the ladies… and knows he can always rely on Hannah (Michelle Monaghan), his down-to-earth, charming best friend and the one constant in his life. It’s the perfect setup until Hannah goes overseas to Scotland on a six-week business trip… and Tom is stunned to realize how empty his life is without her. He resolves that when she gets back, he’ll ask Hannah to marry him — but is floored when he finds that she has become engaged to a handsome and wealthy Scotsman and plans to move overseas. When Hannah asks Tom — the one person she feels closest to — to be her “maid” of honor, he reluctantly agrees to fill the role… but only so he can attempt to woo Hannah and stop the wedding before it’s too late. - Moviefone

Opinion: So, lets see we basically have My Best Friend’s Wedding but instead of Julia Roberts we get Patrick Dempsy as the nice guy who just also happens to be a womanizer. He sleeps around all the time and all of the women he has sex with are fine until the day he grows up and decides to fall in love with his best friend. Ummm no thanks, I did not want to see My Best Friend’s Wedding and I definitely do not want to see this knock off. I guess the only good thing I can say is that at least I’m not the target audience.

Rating: (2) - Okay at least someone else might be interested but I’ll fight to not see it

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0866439/
Official Site: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/madeofhonor/

May 9th

Speed Racer

Official Synopsis: Hurtling down the track, careening around, over and through the competition, Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) is a natural behind the wheel. Born to race cars, Speed is aggressive, instinctive and, most of all, fearless. His only real competition is the memory of the brother he idolized?the legendary Rex Racer, whose death in a race has left behind a legacy that Speed is driven to fulfill.

Opinion: I’m not really going to even mention the plot since I do not think it matters at all. The trailers make this look like a special effects only movie which I’m sure will delight everyone in their teens. Okay now even though I said that I am still a bit interested to see it just to have sensory overload but if I can find something better to do I’ll go do that instead.

Rating: (4) - Looks okay and will see it eventually but it might be on DVD.

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0811080/
Official Site: http://speedracerthemovie.warnerbros.com/

What Happens in Vegas

Official Synopsis: Two strangers awaken together to discover they’ve gotten married following a night of debauchery in Sin City, and one of them has won a huge jackpot after playing the other’s quarter. The newlyweds devise ever-escalating schemes to undermine each other and get their hands on the money - only to find themselves falling in love amid the mutual backstabbing.

Opinion: This type of movie is the reason I always say that I do not like comedy and that is really not fair to comedies as a whole. This looks just plain dumb, moronic and imbecilic. The only thing that is a plus for this movie is that at least it is not wasting the time of actors I actually care about.

Rating: (0) - The movie should be burned and not shown

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1033643/
Official Site: http://www.whathappensinvegasmovie.com/

Redbelt

Official Synopsis: Set in the west-side of Los Angeles fight world, a world inhabited by bouncers…, cage-fighters, cops and special forces types, Redbelt, is the story of Mike Terry (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a Jiu-Jitsu teacher who has avoided the prize fighting circuit, choosing instead to pursue an honorable life by operating a self-defense studio with a samurai’s code. Terry and his wife Sondra (Alice Braga), struggle to keep the business running to make ends meet. An accident on a dark, rainy night at the Academy between an off duty officer (Max Martini) and a distraught lawyer (Emily Moritimer) puts in motion a series of events that will change Terry’s life dramatically introducing him to a world of promoters (Ricky Jay, Joe Mantegna) and movie star Chet Frank (Tim Allen). Faced with this, in order to pay off his debts and regain his honor, Terry must step into the ring for the first time in his life.

Opinion: I’m basically going with being interested in this one because 1) David Mamet, 2) Chiwetel Eligiofor 3) the trailer looked pretty interesting and 4) how much the other Row Three contributors are looking forawrd to this. I’m am actually totally neutral on Tim Allen playing a serious role which is strange because I usually like seeing what comedians can do when they go serious. This very well could be my sleeper hit for the summer. It is something different amongst a boatload of big budget action flicks and dumb comedies, both of which usually leave me wanting more.

Rating: (6) - I am actually looking forward to this and its on my list to see for sure

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1012804/
Official Site: http://www.sonyclassics.com/redbelt/

May 16th

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Official Synopsis: One year after the incredible events of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, the Kings and Queens of Narnia find themselves back in that faraway wondrous realm, only to discover that more than 1300 years have passed in Narnian time. During their absence, the Golden Age of Narnia has become extinct, Narnia has been conquered by the Telmarines and is now under the control of the evil King Miraz, who rules the land without mercy.

Opinion: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was a pretty light and fluffy fantasy movie that never really grabbed me with either a negative or positive feeling. I caught it long after it was first in theatre and odds are the same will be true for Prince Caspian. There is a lot of talk that this is a darker movie and that has me somewhat interested but I really have this feeling that the movie will still play out as a by the numbers generic fantasy. The special effects will be good so if you are an early teen and enjoy fantasy books and movies I say check it out.

Rating: (3) - No good or bad opinion

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0499448/
Official Site: http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/narnia/

May 22nd

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Official Synopsis: This newest adventure begins in the desert Southwest in 1957 – the height of the Cold War. Indy and his sidekick Mac (Ray Winstone) have barely escaped a close scrape with nefarious Soviet agents on a remote airfield.

Now, Professor Jones has returned home to Marshall College – only to find things have gone from bad to worse. His close friend and dean of the college (Jim Broadbent) explains that Indy’s recent activities have made him the object of suspicion, and that the government has put pressure on the university to fire him. On his way out of town, Indiana meets rebellious young Mutt (Shia LaBeouf), who carries both a grudge and a proposition for the adventurous archaeologist: If he’ll help Mutt on a mission with deeply personal stakes, Indy could very well make one of the most spectacular archaeological finds in history – the Crystal Skull of Akator, a legendary object of fascination, superstition and fear.

But as Indy and Mutt set out for the most remote corners of Peru – a land of ancient tombs, forgotten explorers and a rumored city of gold – they quickly realize they are not alone in their search. The Soviet agents are also hot on the trail of the Crystal Skull. Chief among them is icy cold, devastatingly beautiful Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett), whose elite military unit is scouring the globe for the eerie Crystal Skull, which they believe can help the Soviets dominate the world … if they can unlock its secrets.

Indy and Mutt must find a way to evade the ruthless Soviets, follow an impenetrable trail of mystery, grapple with enemies and friends of questionable motives, and, above all, stop the powerful Crystal Skull from falling into the deadliest of hands.

Opinion: Perhaps its nostalgia but in my mind this is the blockbusters of blockbusters for the summer and if it lives up to the standard set by the last Indy flick it should be a blast. The trailer had me a bit worried with Indy swinging around so much and a few too many references to his age. Hopefully both are toned down in the movie itself. The addition of Indy’s kid only worries me a bit and that is only because I could see some exec sitting in his office thinking of how there could be a spin off series focusing on Mutt. I know we all thought that Star Wars prequels were going to be great and Lucas bombed on those big time but hopefully Spielberg and Lucas together can get this right.

Rating: (7) - Hell ya, this is what I’m talking about a blockbuster that is going to be great (I know I’m setting myself up for a big disappointment but I can not help but be exited about the return of Indy.)

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367882/
Official Site: http://www.indianajones.com

May 23rd

Postal

Official Synopsis: Postal follows two days in the life of the Postal Dude, in the regrettably named town of Paradise. Just when he thinks he has hit rock bottom, things get worse.

Sharing a trailer with his ever-expanding wife, Bitch, Dude is in a bad way. After a humiliating job interview and a nearly lethal trip to the welfare office, Dude finds himself on the doorstep of his Uncle Dave. Despite being the successful leader of the town cult, Dave is also finding himself in financial difficulties. Together, Dude and Dave hatch a plan to steal some valuable merchandise. Unfortunately for them, the much better organized and much better equipped Taliban has converged on Paradise for more sinister reasons. Things spiral out of control when Osama Bin Laden is forced to call in his friend George W Bush as back up. Few are left standing by the time Dude turns his back on Paradise.

Dude quickly learns how liberating it can be when there is nothing left to lose. He learns never to trust a messiah, especially when that messiah has written his own bible. He learns that you can find love in the most unlikely places, even when the object of your affections is holding a gun to your head. Most importantly, he learns that there is nothing that a well timed nuclear explosion can’t solve.

Opinion: So I just said that Indiana Jones is the blockbuster of blockbusters for this year but you know what this is the movie I’m most looking forward to. I’m sure I’m going to be let down and I really do not know why I’m looking forward to it so much. Perhaps it is because I feel like I’m going to be one of the few going to the movie or the fact that so few people will even give this one a chance just because of it being a Uwe Boll movie. I can not even tell you much about the movie but I’m still really pumped for this movie. Damn you Uwe Boll and your getting me pumped for a movie I normally would not even consider watching.

Rating: (7) - Hell ya, this is what I’m talking about a blockbuster that is going to be great (I know I’m setting myself up for a big disappointment but I can not help but be exited about this for some reason.)

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486640/
Official Site: http://www.movieset.com/postal (I believe this is the official site)

 

May 30th

Sex and the City

Official Synopsis: Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker), successful author and everyone’s favourite fashion icon-next-door, is back, her famously sardonic wit intact and sharper than ever, as she continues to narrate her own story about sex, love and the fashion-obsessed single woman in New York City. Sex and the City finds Carrie, Samantha (Kim Cattral), Charlotte (Kristin Davis) and Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) four years after the hit HBO series ended, as our favourite friends continue to juggle jobs and relationships while navigating motherhood, marriage and Manhattan real estate.

Opinion: What can I say about a movie that has the target audience of 30-40 year old women. I guess that if I was single I’d be tempted to go just so I could attempt to pick up a woman watching this. I might be a bit worried though that if I did she would be a bit too much a fashion guru for me.

Rating: (3) - No good or bad opinion

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1000774/
Official Site: http://www.sexandthecitymovie.com/

The Strangers

Official Synopsis: Lock the doors. Assume you’re safe.

The horrifying events that took place in the Hoyt family’s vacation home at 1801 Clark Road on February 11, 2005, are still not entirely known. Champagne. Rose petals. Candlelight. It was supposed to be a night of celebration for Kristen McKay (Liv Tyler) and James Hoyt (Scott Speedman). But after leaving a friend’s wedding reception and returning to the house, everything had collapsed for the happy couple. Then came a 4 a.m. knock on the door and a haunting voice. Is Tamara here?

Opinion: I got a big kick out of the original French version of this movie called Ils (Them) back last year when I caught it on DVD. It a creepy pretty much by the book home invasion movie that fully suceeded. I’m not sure if this is going to be just another poorly made remake or if it is going to be done right. My opinion after seeing the trailer is that there is a good chance that it will be done right.

Rating: (5) - I’m interested and will see it in theatre most likely

IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482606/
Official Site: http://www.thestrangers.net/